MOTHERFUCKIN' BONUS ALL UP IN THIS SHIT! I'm way too good to you guys and you never call. Why won't you call? I get lonely sometimes. You know, sort of like how you get lonely, but then I call to fix your problem. Thanks for looking out for me, buddy!

Sphincter Watch 2007 Update: The bruise seems to be getting better, farting has subsided into causing a dull ache and I'm no longer expelling blood-curdling screams every time I need to bust out a conversation-starter. Investigations are still on-going as to what initially caused the injury, and officials are remaining tight-lipped about any leads at this point until they uncover more. Stay tuned.

Members of the Supafine Trivia Club that have paid their dues, get your pens ready to jot this little factoid down: This update is the first one to take place on a Mac instead of a PC. We've been making great strides to tear down the walls of diversity in recent months, and I think this milestone is one worth noting. PS: Ryan, I Googled "sloppy titties," on your Mac, hope that's cool.

Porchin' aint easy.

edit

Hey there, Lance's producer here. I just wanted to let all you fans know that Lance's liver is in good hand. He will be returned back to you in full working order.

Here's a new Supafine Trivia Tidbit, did you know that Lance has a birthmark on his ass? I'll let YOU imagine where!

Till next time!

Yet another day with an assload of work to get done on a few hours of sleep, and I think I somehow bruised my tailbone. It doesn't hurt to sit or move, but farting has become a painful experience, which is making it really hard for me to win debates. On the plus side, I've got some Rice Krispees with REAL fucking strawberries, and I'm leaving for another weekend of legitimate business practices with the crew later today. Save me some paper clips and post-its, assholes!

I feel like we're cheating with today's page, so I'm going to post the next one tomorrow to make me feel better with the knowledge that I'm a fabulous host. Have it pre-loaded and ready to go this time, because I'm always prepared and never the opposite. I'm watching you right now. Did you put on some weight, I really like what you've done there. Rawr.

I'm off to get things done before I head out, check back on Saturday for more loots!

I ended up not getting back into town until tonight, so I missed updating on Monday despite my claims that I would! We mixed work with Jagermeister, and it was such a winning combination that we extended it another day. I love this company.

So, two pages today! Here's the page that was scheduled for Monday, and over here you'll find today's.

Porch porch porch porch porch porch...

Here's your page for today, the first of the current chapter that's written by me, and not some ugly fucker.

I managed to see 300 this week, and I'll be damned if it wasn't several types of awesome. I'm a sucker for ultra-violent, testosterone-fueled films when the actors can come off as true badasses. This is evident by my DVD rack being filled with the best action movies the 80's had to offer. Vin Diesel and Jason Statham can die in a fire or something. But anyways!

Near the end of the movie, a guy seated behind me started crying, and I just about got up and slapped him across the face with my raging kill-boner, asking him to turn in his testicles and badge. What's going on with you, modern man? Lately all you want to do is talk about stuff. Remember all the fun times we used to have treating knives as viable sources of entertainment and breaking beer bottles on each others' groins as practical jokes? I miss the old you.

News of a Justice League America movie started cropping up about a month ago, and another tidbit was just discovered a couple of days ago: there will be NO BATMAN IN IT. I'm just kind of baffled that they would make a film adaptation of the book without one of the few characters anybody gives a damn about, who also happens to be a main character. In a related note, another rumor came about yesterday regarding the villains in the next Superman movie:

“The script has not yet been written, but discussions are being bounced around in regards to the major villains being Metallo and Brainiac.

“Apparently the "Bank Gunner" from Superman Returns (the guy who shot Superman in the eye) will be the man who becomes/gets turned in to Metallo. It's unknown if he'll be referred to as John Corben or not.

“The rumor goes on to state that Metallo does something pretty major in his huge battle with Superman which catches the attention of an alien orb in space (aka Brainiac), directing its attention towards Earth”.

There was supposed to be a comic on Friday, and today, then Wednesday and Friday, respectively, but due to some circumstances (that actually aren't MY fault this time! Yeah, I fucking know, I'm sober, too! Weird!) Ant can't get his art from paper into the digital age for a week here. No problem, though!

I've been sitting on most of the second chapter of NDSM for a while, and was going to run it after we finished up with our charming detective. Seeing as I have the option to A) run no comics this week, or B) run the NDSM pages, I'm going with B because I like being liked. So, for the next few weeks we're going to be running that, then afterwards we'll finish up Trigger. Same schedule we try sticking with: Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

So, here's the start of the way overdue second chapter of Ninja Death Star Man. Once again, it's co-written by the balder-than-a-dog-shitting-tacs-on-a-dead-horse Scott Smith. RESPECK!

I am 22 years old on pi-day and I totally felt that you bastard.

Anyway, I'm trying to get obsessed with drawing again, expect random artwork.

Sorry if the bubble placement in the first three panels of today's page is a little confusing, space was at a premium when I lettered. Ant likes challenging me when I leave what to draw up to him. He's utilized the GUHHHHN FINGAS! quite nicely, though, so I have no complaints.

Oh, and my apologies for Monday. I was sick through the weekend until Tuesday, and my head was just muddied by my fever and lack of sleep due to said fever, so writing anything coherent was a bit of a challenge. All things considered, my front page post was near poetic.

And you can take that to the LAKE!

..speaks only the truth (this time).

Also, I totally shot that cop, like, five times in the stomach.

ALL GLORY TO THE SNAKE GOD. PRAISE HIM!

Keep tuned to the site for our upcoming "Snake-tracts".

I've been sick all weekend with this crazy fever and Danny's been high on PCP and put his fist through this cop's windshield it was nuts you should have seen it the cop got out and he was like what the hell is this shit and Danny just like bled on the dude and said he was blessed by a snake god and the cop was like okay and Dan headbutted him through this other cop's windshield and that guy was really pissed.

CAPTAIN FUNRIS IS BACK

I'm going to go and lie down, sack of potatos on Wednesday, sorry for the rubarb.